He Beats Me but...
...I Still Love Him
Learn to love instead of judge.
Listen, understand and help.
You can't always run away from what you fear.
There's two sides to every story.
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May 15, 2006
Frank has his 3rd session of anger management today. So far it appears to be helping. Things have definitely improved and I feel we have both made progress. I still have apprehensions about the whole situation, but I think that is to be expected at times.
I've been trying to research domestic abuse and violence but I'm already sick of reading about how these men are fucked up, wont change and that the female should just run away. I'm fairly confidant that there is another side to the story and I think it would benefit me a whole lot more to understand it.
I want to hear about men who have been the abusers. Those who either got help, walked away or were left. I want to know their stories and their side of things. I want to be able to understand Frank more and help him more. I can't hear about Frank being bad any longer. I can't hear the same old advice of "get out". I want people to listen to me when I say NO. NO he isn't a bad man. NO he doesn't mean to, or want to do these things. NO it wont suddenly make him change if I leave.
In fact I think it would do the opposite. It is his fear of being alone that makes him this way (imho). The more I manage to show him that he doesn't have to be scared; that I wont abandon him, run away from him or double cross him, the less I find myself dealing with behaviour from him that makes me scared.
NO I don't need to get out. I need to help the man I love because he is suffering more than I am.
We have both established that I am the stronger one out of the two of us. He is weak, unable to control his anger. He is becoming the man he hated.
I am the one still standing, still getting on with my life.
Like he said...I can take all that he gives out to me and still get on with my life. He can do everything he does and I can still get up everyday and make sure my kids are happy. He can't do anything but be entrapped by his own anger.
He needs love, support and help to deal with a problem he has hid from for years.
The kids need love, support and help to deal with his outbursts. They need to know that they can't take it personally. That it is daddy's problem to deal with. They already know to ignore it and to continue playing because when he calms down he loves us and is a decent loving man.
Are they scared of him? A little but do they want to leave him? NO. I asked them and they want to stay. To let him finish his course and see what happens from there. If they ever got to the point where they hated him and wanted him out of our lives. So be it.
He knows it is time to get help. For himself as much as me and the kids.
There's still tenseness and a long way to go but I do have a little more hope and that's more than I had a couple of weeks ago.
I looked up the aims and methods of the program he is on. Already I can see how it is changing the way he thinks about certain things. He told me that it useless trying to deny or fight it, that "eventually every man in that room will be broken".
I'm not sure why but I found comfort in that.
I Still Love You xxx
haha, you're fucked up. Also, did you know that your blog comes up when I search for 'the more he beats me the more he loves me', the song from little shop of horrors.
By :(, at 10:01 am