He Beats Me but...
...I Still Love Him
Learn to love instead of judge.
Listen, understand and help.
You can't always run away from what you fear.
There's two sides to every story.
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May 21, 2006
I tried to leave.
Monday night we agreed it was over and i felt relieved.
Tuesday morning he got up and automatically started talking like we were still together.
We rowed until i finally agreed to keep trying.
He says i need to communicate better.
I feel like everytime i try to communicate with him about anything he blows up.
He says it's because i'm so anxious and nervous around him all the time. I'm not loving him enough and not giving him what he needs.
I say i'm scared to even wake him up in the mornings. What does he expect?
He says to stop being scared.
I say I can't.
He says my anxiety stops me from going near him, so he feels unloved and behaves in this way. Then i react badly to him, try to walk away from him which is the worst thing i can do. Until i start getting out of control and acting crazy myself. Then it all goes to hell and i get hit.
I say i'm scared of him because of everything he has done. That i try my best to overcome fear and show him that i still love him. He gets angry over nothing and starts ranting at me. His ranting is threatening and aggressive, making me scared and too nervous to speak. He will keep pushing at everything bad he can say about me and my life until i get angry or really hurt and try to walk away from him. Then he starts grabbing at me or blocking my way which makes me extremely anxious.
In the end i'm screaming at him to leave me alone because i can't take it anymore and he is just pushing me and shoving me and causing me to act insane.
I Still Love You xxx