He Beats Me but...
...I Still Love Him
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November 17, 2005
Maybe I'm Having A Bad Day
I'm really feeling like I am going to have to leave this whole relationship behind me.
Frank shows no understanding of what he is doing here daily. I'm not even talking about him hitting me. It's the things like him lying in bed half the day and getting moody if I go out without him (because I'm wearing myself out).
I'm worn out because he is constantly this way and I have no choice but to get on with everything and try to keep life running smoothly as possible.
He says I'm not on board with him but to be truthful I can't do that while he is acting in a way that goes against the rest of the family.
I'm stuck and I'm sick of it.
I'm bored with waiting around for him to emerge; only to find he is in a bad mood and shouting at me for everything.
If I sit and take it and don't argue back I'm ignoring him and will get nastier and nastier with the things he shouts. And if I break down in tears unable to listen to anymore of it he will get madder and things escalate.
If I try and talk reasonably to him, he still continues on until he makes me angry and then things escalate.
If I argue back I'm doomed, if I stay quiet I'm doomed and there's just no talking to him until he has calmed down. He calms down in his own time and until then is constantly shouting shit in my ears.
I don't think I can take it anymore.
On top of it all the social services are now getting involved. We have to go and talk to them next week. The domestic violence unit reported the situation so now we talk to them and they decide what they are going to do.
I'm scared and I don't want to lose my kids.
I don't want to leave but it looks like I'm going to have to.
I Still Love You xxx